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How to Write an Irish Drama

Fun, IV - lst December 1866


If you'd write an Irish drama,
  Be awhile attentive, pray,
While I show a panorama
  Of ingredients in the play.

Take, oh take some lads and lasses,
  Take a dreary moonlight glen,
Take a comic spy who passes
  Through a lodge of Ribbon men.

Take a burly Irish squire,
  Take a wretch to work the harm;
Let him set a barn on fire,
  Take a mortgage on a farm.

Take a chain of circumstances
  Implicating innocence,
Take a chambermaid who dances,
  Take unworthy evidence.

Take a secret still, and work it,
  Take a rattling Irish jig;
Take a judge who sits on circuit,
  In his flowing full-dress wig.

Take a lawyer in a fury —
  Evidence that's most unfair,
Take an idiotic jury
  With moustache and flowing hair.

Take a colleen, flirty, jilty,
  Take a crowd in court to yell,
Take a verdict, too, of guilty,
  Take a priest and take a cell.

Take a noble sheriff, bringing
  Pardon, which the convict claims,
Take the village bells a-ringing, —
  Take and pitch 'em in the Thames.

Page Created 29 July, 2011