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The Monkey in Trouble

Fun, II - 7th October 1865


Waiting, waiting for the halter,
  Hoping for release in vain —
Oh! the Rock of Gibberaltar
  Would I saw you once again!

Active, nimble, able-bodied,
  Up the tallest trees I ran;
Now I'm taken up and quodded,
  Just as if I was a man!

Beating at my prison wildly!
  Yelling with a maddened yell!
For, to put it very mildly,
  This is a condemnëd sell!

They have locked me in the station,
  Just because, when driven wild,
In a fit of irritation
  I attacked a teasing child!

Well, of course, the fact before you
  With malignity seems rife,
But, indeed, I do assure you
  Mine's a very trying life.

When you're treated idem semper,
  Thrashed, and clothed in dresses tight,
Why, it tells upon your temper,
  And you feel inclined to bite.

Just suppose a great gorilla
  Came and took the learned beak,
Made him fire a gun for siller,
  Beat a tambourine, and speak.

Wear a brigand hat and feather,
  Sweep the floor and dance and fight,
Play in every kind of weather,
  Don't you think he'd want to bite?

P'raps they're now indictments framing
  To be signed and stuck on shelves,
Me as human fellow claiming —
  Am I then so like themselves?

Let me go — you're sure to mess it —
  'Tis indeed your wisest plan,
As MR. RUSSELL would express it,
  "No, by heavens, I am not Man!"

CONDEMNED CELL, MARYLEBONE POLICE-COURT.

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