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The Undecided Man

Air, "The Sugar Shop"

Tom Hood's Comic Annual for 1868


Of all the small annoyances that weight our mental buoyances,
No chaff or cold derision is so sad as indecision is —
It's ruined me, it's plain it has — through life it's been my bane, it has,
It's driven me insane, it has, as anyone can see!
    Oh my! the troubles and perplexities,
Oh dear! that mar each little plan!
Oh law! sufficient quite to vex it is,
  The short uncertain temper of an undecided man!

In bed each day a-dundering, I lie awake a-wondering
(In sad uncertain doubt of it), by which side to get out of it,
For all I ever knew of 'em have sides (or feet in lieu of 'em),
They've generally two of 'em, as anyone can see!
    Oh my! the troubles and perplexities,
Oh dear! that mar each little plan!
Oh law! sufficient quite to vex it is,
  The short uncertain temper of an undecided man!

I never went a-marrying but single stopped a-tarrying,
Though lots of girls I've known, I have; been introduced and shown, I have,
But ne'er a one I've got of 'em-no single girl could spot of 'em,
There's such a plaguey lot of 'em, as anyone can see!
    Oh my! the troubles and perplexities,
Oh dear! that mar each little plan!
Oh law! sufficient quite to vex it is,
  The short uncertain temper of an undecided man!

I've reached a decent time of life, and tired, nearly, I'm of life,
Whom ought I to enquire of what illness to expire of?
Most men appear to fall of 'em — the short of 'em, the tall of 'em,
I cannot die of all of 'em, as anyone can see!
    Oh my! perplexed and always wondering,
Oh dear! ill-natured people say,
Oh law! I'm like in all my blundering,
  A donkey hesitating 'tween two packages of hay!

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