Plot Description
by Martha Liehe
ACT I
As the play opens, in the garden of a humble but picturesque
cottage on the border between England and Scotland, two people
are conversing. One is Maggie Macfarlane, a pretty country lass;
the other is her laddie Angus Macalister, who has just asked for
and been granted her hand in marriage. Maggie's widowed mother
arrives. Learning of the engagement, she blesses the proposed
union. Her only misgivings about young Angus concern his
abilities to provide a decent living for her only daughter.
It seems he is adept at placing obstacles on railroad tracks
in order to derail them (so much for the rustic naivete of these
characters). Once the train is derailed, the passengers must
alight and look for refreshment (possibly even overnight
accommodations) until repairs can be made. Such provisions are
gladly offered by Angus and the Macfarlanes. They pocket in fees
and tips as much as they think the traffic will bear. The two
ladies then leave the stage, having heard Angus promise he is
eager for the impending arrival of a train whose line he has just
blocked.
He does not have to wait long, fore here come two passengers
much agitated and alarmed. One is a young lady, Miss Belinda
Treherne. With her is Belvawney, a young man who speaks to
Belinda in terms of obvious endearment. She is openly fond of
her escort, too, but is presently in great fear that they will
soon be overtaken by a certain Major McGillicuddy. This
"barbarous" and jealous man believed Miss Treherne would marry
him that very morning. She has escaped for now, but if he finds
her with Belvawney, he will surely shoot the pair of them.
In order to put an end once and for all to Belinda's worries
about the Major, Belvawney suddenly asks her to become his wife
instead. He declares undying love for her, and she replies in
the same vein. However, she admits to being curious about his
"pecuniary position". Belvawney then explains a somewhat strange
condition under which he is placed: it appears he has a friend,
one Mr. Cheviot Hill, who, although secure financially, is
remarkably stingy. Hill has a most unfortunate habit of
proposing marriage to every young woman he meets. His father,
recognizing the influence Belvawney has on Cheviot, provides the
friend with £1000 yearly so long as young Hill remains single.
Should Cheviot die or marry, the money becomes the property of
his uncle Symperson, who was traveling with his nephew on the same train that carried Belinda and Belvawney. Miss Treherne is decidedly
displeased with what she perceives as an impermanent financial
arrangement, and rejects the proposal. She then goes away.
But Belvawney does not give up easily. He recalls something
he has heard about scottish customs: if two people declare their
willingness to be wed, then, in Scotland, they are indeed man and
wife [shades of fairy marriage]. While he is thus conniving to
talk Belinda into matrimony, Maggie Macfarlane appears.
Belvawney questions her about what constitutes a Scotch marriage
and she confirms his understanding of the simplicity of the
process. Then she goes into the cottage and he leaves also.
No sooner has he gone than the amorous, rich, and attractive
Cheviot Hill and his Uncle Symperson come in, both looking
disheveled from the train accident. The younger man, true to his
parsimonious nature, bemoans the ruination of his hat and gloves.
Symperson, however, is much more concerned about the £1000 he
will receive annually if Cheviot marries. He suggests his
daughter Minnie as an excellent choice for matrimony. To this,
his nephew agrees, making Symperson delighted and anxious for a
wedding date to be set. The money thus to be obtained will, to
be sure, rob Belvawney of his own yearly salary. Cheviot warns
his uncle not to tell his friend of the dire change in his future
wealth; he also reminds Symperson that Belvawney's eyes exercise
a strange, hypnotic power over his own will. Under the influence
of these compelling rays, Cheviot must carry out whatever schemes
Belvawney may concoct. Symperson vows silence, rejoicing that he
is soon to be smiled upon by Fortune; he then exits.
Young Hill now contemplates the joys he'll experience when
Minnie becomes his mate. He speaks of her in such glowing terms
that he is overheard by Belvawney who is naturally dismayed to
learn of his friend's approaching marriage. Cheviot declares
that even Belvawney's powerful eyes shall no longer control him
with their lurid fires. His love for Minnie is so strong and she
is so good, so beautiful that he will overcome all obstacles to
wed her. He orders Belvawney out.
Just as soon as he is gone, Cheviot's adoration is put to
the test. Maggie has come in, a lovely young woman, indeed. He
cannot resist, and goes so far as to put his arm around her waist
and steal a kiss. This inflames him to such a degree that he
actually implores her to become his wife. But Maggie's loyal
heart demands a refusal since she is engaged already. Hill, in a
rage asks to know the fellow's name that he may curse him. The
arrival of Angus makes this unnecessary, for he embraces Maggie
tenderly and they both weep. Cheviot is deeply touched;
forgetting to curse Angus, he extols the virtues of his own
position and tries desperately to convince them that marriage to
him would bring eternal happiness to Maggie. To prove his
sincerity, Cheviot offers money to Angus. After many protestations, the ante is set at £2. Maggie asserts she will never
be worth that much to poor Angus, so he, crying openly, hands her
over and pockets the coins. They enter the cottage.
Once more alone, Cheviot prides himself on winning such a
girl as Maggie, for she is not only pretty but, he feels certain,
will never be extravagant. As he is singing her praises, who
should walk by but Belinda. Fickle as always, Cheviot is drawn
to her obvious charms. She is sad, however, and he is curious as
to the reason. He even suggests a gift of cash if this would
cheer her. When she declines to accept it, he is infatuated by
her well-bred modesty. In a gush of emotion, Cheviot proposes to
Belinda. But her soul and hand are already promised to his
friend Belvawney. This enrages Cheviot. He vows to cut off
Belvawney's annual income by himself marrying Minnie Symperson.
Belinda implores him, for her sake, to remain forever single.
Suddenly Belvawney appears, greatly alarmed. Major McGillicuddy has tracked them down and demands a confrontation with
his erstwhile bride, Belinda. Cheviot proves master of the
situation. Pushing Belvawney aside, he convinces Belinda to put
her arms around his neck. The Major, armed with pistols, rushes
in, ordering them to separate at once. But he is too late:
Belinda and Cheviot declare themselves to be man and wife.
Maggie and Angus show up and hear the entire episode. She falls
sobbing on his shoulders, the major sobs uncontrollably,
Belvawney tears his hair, and the curtain falls.
ACT II
Three months have elapsed. We are now in the drawing room
of Symperson's London home. There are signs that a wedding is
about to take place. It is Minnie's for she enters in a wedding
gown, attended by her maid Parker. Minnie get's Parker's
assurance that she is indeed beautiful, and shall be exceedingly
happy as the wife of Cheviot Hill. Her papa (Symperson) enters,
also dressed in his best suit. He tells his daughter that,
although he hates to lose her, he'll enjoy having £1000 a year as
consolation. Symperson then gives Minnie advice about how to
handle a husband. They both agree that, although Cheviot has so
far had his own way in decision-making, all this will end
abruptly as soon as Minnie becomes Mrs. Hill. She then goes off-
stage and Belinda enters, dressed as if for a funeral. When she
sees Symperson, she believes him to be a servant and asks him to
fetch Minnie.
The two girls meet and rush into each other's arms, since
they have been good friends since childhood. Belinda had not
known this was to be Minnie's wedding day; she then reviews her
own strange encounter with the married state. Fleeing from a man
she hated, she met a young, wealthy stranger. On his advice, she
declared herself to be his wife. Although she has not seen him
since that day, belinda knows that, according to a quaint
Scottish law, they are indeed married. Minnie finds this
predicament amusing; her friend, horrified by it, does agree to
go home and dress herself in clothing appropriate to the
occasion, shedding the black she has worn ever since her ill-
fated "marriage" took place. The girls go out together.
Cheviot, in bridegroom apparel, enters, pondering upon the
step he is about to take. Will he forever regret this day? Then
he sees Parker, the maid, and, true to his nature, finds her
adorable. Soon his arm is around her waist, although he
constantly reminds himself that this is unseemly conduct for a
bridegroom-to-be. Fortunately, they are interrupted by Minnie
before Cheviot proposes to Parker. The maid leaves, disgusted
that she hasn't been given a few coins. Now the young couple
discuss the nuptial arrangements and make plans for their life to
come. Cheviot's miserliness is proven by his sharp cutting of
corners for the bridal cake and his ideas of an ideal marital
situation: Minnie shall prepare absurdly simple economical meals
and sew all the suits her husband requires (shades of The Grand
Duke). He does, however, tell his bride-to-be that he is hiring
servants to look after her father. She believes Cheviot to be
the soul of goodness and leaves in a state of bliss. He stays
behind, thinking for a moment of the "tall girl" he met in
Scotland, but soon talks himself out of this reverie.
Belvawney appears, feeling awful: he is deeply in love with
Miss Treherne, but she insists she is already wed, thanks to the
custom of Scotland. She is, furthermore, determined to learn the
identity of her husband, the sooner the better. Cheviot tries to
console his friend: is there no way out of this predicament?
Suddenly, Belvawney realizes there is one possible solution: if
the cottage where the vows were spoken is in England, no marriage
exists. If it is in Scotland, they are man and wife. He has
decided to write to the owner of the house to ascertain the
truth. Both young men declare this situation to be immoral and,
in the heat of their anguish, Cheviot confesses this is to be his
wedding day. Belvawney is near panic at this disclosure: how
can he face the loss of his yearly stipend? To ruin Cheviot's
pleasure, Belvawney denounces him, saying there will be no
wedding because Cheviot is already a married man! Now it s
Cheviot's turn to panic. On bended knee, he begs Belvawney not
to spoil the nuptials, especially since money has already been
spent to provide food, travel tickets, etc.
Now Belvawney decides to play his trump card: he fixes
Cheviot in the glare of his magnetic eyes. Laughing fiendishly,
the defiant man roars his hateful news. He can prove Cheviot's
marriage to Belinda because he is the only witness left! Declaring that the cottage in question has since been torn down and
its occupants have left the country, Belvawney exits in satanic
glee. Poor Cheviot is desolate until he realizes that his bride
has been missing for months, the cottage has been pulled down,
and those who lived there are far away. Belvawney, therefore,
isn't capable of proving anything. Cheviot makes up his mind to
proceed with his marriage to Minnie.
At this point, Angus and the Macfarlanes appear. They are
the rustics hired by Hill to serve Symperson. Although they
don't recognize Cheviot, he knows immediately who they are and
asks them to go away. Suddenly Maggie remembers: this is the
man who asked for her hand and gave Angus money to relinquish
her. Desperate again, Cheviot confides to them his weakness: he
always proposes marriage to every pretty girl he meets. As they
grope to understand this predicament, Minnie and her father come
in. Cheviot covers his chagrin by pretending Mrs. Macfarlane is
a washerwoman who has presented him with an exorbitant bill.
Maggie, however, becomes hysterical and tells the truth to the
Sympersons: Cheviot proposed to her three months ago. She
further asserts that she witnessed his marriage to yet a different beautiful lady at that time. Minnie and her father are
confused and enraged, even though Cheviot hotly denies having wed
a woman whose name he doesn't even know. Symperson, fearing the
loss of his promised stipend, demands and explanation, but young
Hill cannot give him one.
But Belvawney can! He enters now, assuring the assembled
company that he was present when Cheviot and a certain lady
declared themselves to be man and wife several months earlier on
the border of England and Scotland. Symperson accepts this,
telling her daughter to find herself another husband, and Belvawney to find some other source of income. Not to be so easily
dismissed, Belvawney reveals the puzzling facts that no one can
be sure exactly where the cottage stood. And where, pray, is the
missing woman?
As if in answer, here comes the lovely Belinda, now dressed
prettily for the wedding of her chum Minnie. In that instant,
Belinda and Cheviot recognize each other and rush into a
rapturous embrace. Belvawney staggers back, Minnie faints,
Maggie sobs, and the curtain falls.
ACT III
Once again we are in Symperson's London house. Three days
have gone by since the end of Act II. Belvawney is singing at
the piano to entertain Belinda and Minnie. The girls pay him
lavish compliments, saying the weary days of waiting have passed
pleasantly, thanks to his songs, riddles, and conjuring tricks.
We learn that the reason for the delay is that Cheviot has gone
to Scotland to determine the exact location of the fateful
cottage. He is expected back momentarily. Much depends, both
romantically and financially, on what he shall discover.
And here he is. As Belvawney watches the cab approach from
the window, he asserts that whichever girl loses Cheviot shall,
if she agrees, marry him instead. He then goes out, Cheviot enters; the ladies are bursting with questions. But alas! He
cannot resolve the puzzle, for those who own the cottage have
left the country and are on their way to Central Africa. Belinda
and Minnie are inconsolable. Cheviot advises patience; after
all, until further information can be received, he is engaged to
them goth and will divide his affection equally. He is jealous
when he learns how little they missed him during his absence,
thanks to Belvawney's charms. In the ensuing heated discussion,
the girls remind Cheviot that Maggie is also involved in this
mess. He would, of course, gladly marry all three of them if the
law would allow such goings-on.
Symperson then enters with two letters. One is from the
cottage's owner, written before he went to Africa. Ripping it
open, he reads that the cottage is "certainly in England".
Belinda faints, realizing she has lost Cheviot. But she resolves
not to give up, once she has revived, and leaves suddenly.
Symperson then reads the other letter: it is from Belvawney.
According to him, the Indestructible Bank has stopped payment on
Cheviot's shares and they are worthless. When she hears this,
Minnie voices her decision to leave Cheviot and flounces away.
Her father is indeed crestfallen. Now he won't get his annual
gift, and he bemoans the horrid materialism of the human race.
Cheviot comes in, more unhappy than before. None of his
three darlings can ever become his own. He commiserates with his
uncle, and they both feel that the only way out of this is for
Cheviot to end his life. Drowning himself in the nearby river
seems the likeliest solution. Symperson shakes his nephew's
hand, believing him ready to die, and goes out. Left alone,
Cheviot thinks of Belinda: could she ever possibly love him for
himself alone? He resolves to find out once and for all. He is
overheard by Belvawney, who, coming in unexpectedly, assures his
friend that he's too late: Miss Treherne has already given her
hand and her heart to himself. This is the last straw for poor
Cheviot who draws a pistol from his pocket to end his misery.
Belvawney, greatly upset, offers to surrender Belinda if
Cheviot will reconsider. He then confesses he wrote the bank
statement himself to gain her love. Cheviot's anger begins to
dissipate when he believes he shall have both money and the girl
he adores. Enter Symperson, attired in black: he has come to
see Cheviot die. When he discovers the young man's change of
heart, he gleefully declares he has just seen Belvawney and
Belinda leaving together in a cab, affectionately entwined.
Cheviot is duped again! He vows revenge and swears he will marry
anyone. Why not Minnie? Overjoyed, Symperson goes to find his
daughter. She shows up and Cheviot proposes. But when he
becomes aware of her mercenary attitude toward his wealth,
Cheviot is utterly turned off by Minnie and renounces her. In
desperation, he sends for Maggie Macfarlane.
When she arrives, accompanied by her mother and Angus,
Cheviot offers marriage to Maggie. She sobs bitterly: she has
just filed an action against him for breach of promise. It is
already in the hands of her solicitor. Cheviot feels cursed.
Mrs. Macfarlane even suggests he might marry her, but he draws
the line at this, depressed though he is.
At this moment, Belinda and Belvawney return, followed by
Minnie and Symperson. Cheviot's fears are well-grounded, for
indeed the first two persons have just appeared before a
registrar and recited their marriage vows. Once again, Cheviot
draws his gun. But wait! There is yet hope. Symperson decides
to reread the letter concerning the property's location. He sees
that the owner has instructed that the page be turned over. Lo
and behold, although the cottage is in England, the garden is in
Scotland--and Cheviot married Belinda in the garden! An ecstatic
Cheviot embraces an equally euphoric Belinda; Belvawney turns to
Minnie for comfort, Angus gives solace to Maggie, and Mrs.
Macfarlane reposes on the bosom of Symperson.
Finis
This article appeared in Issue 37 (April 1993) of Precious Nonsense, the newsletter of the Midwestern Gilbert & Sullivan
Society. Posted by permission of Sarah Cole, Society Secretary/Archivist. For information on Society membership write to:
The Midwestern Gilbert & Sullivan Society, c/o Miss Sarah Cole,
613 W. State St., North Aurora, IL 60542-1538.